40 Days to Kindergarten: Day 2 & 3 | July 13/14, 2026 | Progress, Not Perfection

Well.. if I'm being honest, this reset hasn't exactly started the way I imagined it would.😂

I think we all picture change looking a certain way. We imagine waking up on Day 1 completely motivated, meal prepping, exercising, keeping the house spotless, sleeping great, and magically becoming the most patient version of ourselves overnight. But instead, for me right now at least, life kept being the same ole chaotic life.

Work has been busy, we’ve had a baptism to get ready for, hosting guests and visitors non-stop, the kids have all had their own things going on, and relationships have been… complicated. I’ve been emotional, overwhelmed, and if I’m really telling the truth, there have been a few moments where I reacted instead of responding.

Not exactly the fresh start I had pictured. But maybe that’s okay.

One thing I promised myself when I started this journal is that I wasn’t going to only write about the days where I had everything together. That’s not real life, and honestly, it’s not the kind of journal I want my kids reading years from now. I want them to know what this season actually looked like, even the messy parts.

This morning I found myself apologizing. Many times saying “I’m sorry” is the hardest part, but this time it wasn’t. The harder part came later, sitting with my own thoughts. I kept reflecting on: Who do I actually want to become/How do I want to act/How do I want my kids to learn to behave?

For the last nine years, I’ve watched people I love make decisions that hurt other people and then somehow never really take ownership of them, including myself. There always seems to be a reason, an excuse, or a way to shift the blame somewhere else. I’ve watched friendships fall apart, marriages struggle, families become divided, and kids get caught in the middle. More times than I can count, I’ve found myself thinking, If someone would just own their part, maybe healing could finally begin.

This week brought a lot of those feelings back. Watching another relationship unravel because someone refused to take responsibility was frustrating, heartbreaking, and honestly… familiar. But somewhere in the middle of all that familiar frustration, God quietly turned the mirror around.

As easy as it is to recognize a lack of ownership in someone else, it’s a whole lot harder to examine your own. I realized I don’t get to expect accountability from everyone else if I’m not willing to practice it myself. To be clear, that doesn’t mean every conflict is shared equally or that boundaries disappear or that pain isn’t real. It simply means I never want someone else’s lack of ownership to become my excuse for avoiding my own.

I don’t want to become someone who’s really good at explaining why she reacted a certain way but struggles to simply say, “I was wrong.” I want my kids to grow up seeing that apologizing isn’t weakness. Ownership is maturity, humility, strength and something to be respected. If I want Alessandra, Annika, and Tyler to become adults who own their mistakes, then they need to see me owning mine too.

The funny thing is, I started this journal because I wanted to prepare our family for kindergarten. I’m starting to think maybe God is using it to prepare me instead. Maybe the foundation God wanted to rebuild first wasn’t my schedule or my eating habits😂. Maybe it was my heart.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at today... Days 2 and 3 definitely weren’t perfect. There were some hard conversations, some tears, and a couple of moments I’d like a do-over on. But there was also growth, and, honestly, I think that’s a much better place to build from than pretending we’ve already figured it all out.