40 Days to Kindergarten: Day 11 | July 22, 2026

Today was one of those days where I asked myself a question I’ve been asking for years: Why do I keep doing the opposite of what I say I want?

I say I want to exercise… and then I don’t.

I say I want to go to bed earlier… and then I stay up too late.

I say I want to drink less… and somehow that beer sounds even better.

I keep thinking it's because I'm not disciplined enough, that something was wrong with me that everyone else has that I don't.

But today I learned something that changed the way I'm looking at it. There’s a psychological concept called "reactance," and I'm pretty sure it's me! Basically, when something feels like a demand (even when the demand is coming from ourselves) our brain pushes back to protect our sense of freedom, to basically keep our autonomy. In other words, every time I tell myself, “I have to work out today,” a little part of my brain responds with, “No, I don’t. Try me.” lol

It sounds ridiculous, but it also explains so much. I’ve spent years trying to motivate myself with pressure, guilt, and giant expectations. Maybe that’s exactly why I’ve been stuck...

Another idea that really hit home as I was reading about this concept came from James Clear, the author of that book Atomic Habits. He said, Every action is a vote for the type of person you want to become.

Not every workout or perfect day. Every single action. That means I don’t have to overhaul my entire life tomorrow. I just have to cast one more vote for the woman I want to be and let those add up over time. Like choosing a walk instead of the couch or water before beer. Or choosing to go to bed when I’m tired instead of chasing one more episode or one more scroll. Each one is a vote for the person/woman/mom/wife I'm becoming.

So basically, the goal isn’t to become a different person. It’s to build a version of your life where the next healthy choice is just a little easier than it was yesterday. Which feels… doable. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to become “the new me" but maybe there isn’t a new me. Maybe there’s just me learning to make one better choice at a time, just casting another vote.